You'll Be Fine

Hello you, 

Yes, you've always already expected the start of 2015 to be overwhelmingly stressful but I don't think you realized how difficult it could actually be. 

You told yourself in 2013 not to ever lend yourself to a multitude of commitments again and you stayed true to that promise for a year,  and while 2014 gave you a less-than-eventful year to walk away with, at least you had been comfortably secure. 

Now it's so scary, because you know exactly how it feels to be walking along the tightrope, on the brink of tipping over, and you knew that you did not want to be put in that position again. But you just might be, and you are completely freaked out because this year means so much to you, and you cannot afford to screw anything up. 

You told yourself - two main commitments at the start of this year, and once Orientation and Interact Camp's done and over, you'll be fine. But no, life does not work that way, there's a couple more things that popped up and they are pushing your balance. 

You grip on to the balance pole, your palms are sweating. You look over your shoulder, people seem to be walking on thick wooden planks; why was yours a thin wire? The answer is easy - everyone has a different capacity and everyone has a different ability to handle challenges - yours is just incredibly small. 

You constantly take too much and put it on your plate greedily, you just haven't learnt, haven't you? At least in 2013 you were smart, you took what you liked - you took the desserts. Now you're just taking random dishes - even the veggies. 

But maybe, while they don't make you happy, they can be very good for you. 

That's really the only thing you can hope for at this point in time - you've invested yourself into something, you jolly well do it properly. Don't let anyone down, honour your commitments, but always remember that you come first - don't let yourself down, ever. There's something at the end of the rope, it's a long way to walk yes, that I acknowledge - but you just got to and you must make it count. 

Focus. That little butterfly that just flew by? Ignore. 

Suffocating? Just try your best to breathe - you must. 

Put on your best smile, even if you feel like breaking apart. 

It'll all be worth it, just put in a bit more effort, and a bit more energy. You'll be fine. 

//

The upcoming week is going to be insanely tough; it's truly a test, but I know I'll get through it, for anyone can get through anything. But what matters the most is how I'm going to emerge from it.