Hello 2015

my first photo of 2015 :-) 

For the past few years, I've always written my end of year post way before the last day of the year and would sit in front of the computer, pressing the "publish" button only at the stroke of midnight in the New Year, as if someone would be sitting on the other side of another computer, just anticipating my end of year post. Well, what was I thinking, truly? Did posting these posts really help to conclude my year properly? It seems the case, considering this year I don't have one and I still don't feel like 2014 has ended at all.

But perhaps it isn't the post that allows me to put the full stop on my year's journey but rather it's that whenever my year ends with a nice closure, I'd feel more compelled to craft a closing post. Usually, I go by the likes of thanking the people who've been by my side all this while, or doing a short summary of memorable events that have occurred or just a quick word of how the year has gone by. It's already the third of January and I don't have one up. It isn't even that I didn't try, I have been looking at the blank draft for at least a month before the last day of 2014 but somehow, I couldn't put all that I was feeling down into words and it didn't seem very right attempting to close the year or show gratitude to the people around me through mere writing. 

It just feels so different this time, not necessarily in a bad way either. For one, in the most tangible of senses, my annual tradition of counting down did not take place for various reasons and I ended up having to rest very early into the last night of the year, and slept through all the festivities. It just seems a bit strange counting down to something I wouldn't have been prepared for and sleeping did not cause me any stress of thinking about crafting New Year messages to various people. I woke up at 5.30am to my phone filled with the people who matter and it felt nice to be on the receiving end, and I am thankful and blessed as always. I say this all the time till it doesn't sound very sincere, but at the same time I don't think I say it often enough, or rather, believe in it myself. But I am, I truly am. 

And in all honesty, I am running away from things that have occurred in 2014 that I have yet to come to terms with, that I have yet to settle, that still continue to bother me. That's exactly why I refuse to put a close to the year and bid it farewell. I have people to thank that I am not in a position to thank anymore. It's frustrating, but while all these things linger, life is really just a cycle. It continues. Years are but numbers, numerical values that barely mean anything - everything that goes around comes around, there really isn't a concrete stop to things concerning relationships, of emotions, of people. We continue to work on them, and we continue to improve ourselves. And this really brings me back to the first post I wrote of 2014 because it has similar notions. I guess some things never change. 

With that, I'm leaving 2014 open. I'm choosing not to close it as a chapter because there are pages that are still left unwritten. But it isn't going to stop me from welcoming 2015 with open arms, because I'm continuing my chapter from there. And I am excited. 

I really am :-)